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Guidelines for dealing with upset

1. Recognize upset or disconnection.

2. Make agreements for time out or cooperative feeling/energy work.

3. Do personal centering and healing work.

4. Practice active listening techniques.

5. Take responsibility for feeling and reactions. Use “I” statements.

6. Let go of separating and unworkable behaviors:

— dominating behaviors such as demeaning remarks, guilt, threats, intimidation, yelling, personal attacks, name calling, unfavorable comparisons, exaggerations, etc.

— punishing behaviors such as withdrawal, silent treatment, passive-aggressiveness, physical and emotional abuse.

— using other people’s opinions to validate your reactions

— changing the subject.

7. Use structure-what I perceived happened, thoughts and beliefs, feelings and needs.

8. Stay in present orientation, structuring requests and agreements for long term success and joy.

9. Where appropriate, use techniques of “do over”, “heartfelt acknowledgment,” inspired communication, etc.

10. Be willing to make mistakes and be committed to cleaning them up.